Adoration
by inkspiration
Summary: "An ant has no quarrel with a boot." Slight Thorki, Loki's feelings growing up, being the not so favored son. T for violence and ideological sensitive material.
1. Adoration

_"I never wanted the throne, I only ever wanted to be your equal." - Loki_

* * *

He only wanted to play with his older brother; the boy he loved, looked up to, would sacrifice anything for. But the door was slammed in his face as said boy desired to converse with his friends, Hogun and Frandral, more than his blood related companion.

Loki didn't cry, he simply left to his own chambers, studied, and waited for the laughter from the other room to cease. He scanned the script, none of the words ever entering his mind- already preoccupied with theories. What had he done wrong for his best friend and brother to ignore him? Not even respond? The request was innocent, not mischievous, as Thor was used to. Thor scrutinized his brother for a moment, then closed the door on those hopeful green eyes without a word, his friends chuckling behind him.

Was it them who changed the usual routine of his brother? The boy was rash, arrogant, but friendly nonetheless, especially to Loki. Why had it changed today? Loki realized that they both had grown older a while ago, but did that mean they must grow apart? Loki put aside his book, trading it for paper and a pen, sketching the staff he had been gifted with. It was a simple study, but it helped him ignore the friendship his brother was sharing with his other friends.

Loki was envious, he would admit it. He had admitted it to Thor. Father always favored the God of Thunder over the God of Lies and Mischief. Who would not, given their titles? Still, it hurt Loki each time. Odin would reach for Thor first, then Loki. Beamed at Thor, slightly nodded at Loki. It was not fair, but Loki would not start a quarrel. He was too young to start an outrageous fight with the All Father, his father.

As he heard Thor's friends announce their departure, Loki's heart raced with excitement. He would run to Thor! Greet him! Then Thor would play with him! As Loki just began so smile, a strange feeling rose in his chest. Power. He did not want to crawl to Thor, he wanted the all mighty god to crawl to him. Apologize, beg at his feet.

So he waited.

And waited, and waited, and waited.

But Thor never entered, so Loki, finally, pushed away that strange feeling from his young blood, and walked over to Thor's chambers, knocking on his door. When his brother opened the door, Loki grinned at him, expecting one in return. Again, the boy stared at him as if he was a distasteful frost giant.

Disgusting.

It shattered Loki a bit, but he toughed it out, still smiling like nothing was wrong. "Hello, Thor! Would you like to play now?" he asked.

"Loki, do you not think we should move on?" he retorted, leaning against the frame of the door, as if the words exasperated him to no end.

Ignoring this, Loki pushed his question away in regards for his own. It was no form of disrespect, but he had to know, "What have I done wrong?" he asked, concern crossing his features.

"Nothing specifically, brother. I just think we are growing out of the games," he muttered.

"Should we stop being in each other's acquaintanceship?" Loki wondered innocently, earning a laugh from Thor.

"Not at all, it is just, you are still so young, and I have grown older," he explained, "You are a child, I am in my teenage years."

"We are but one year apart in age-"

"Yes, but the difference is-"

"Only a state of mind!" Loki insisted. "Please, Thor, one more game?" he asked, swallowing.

"Sure," Thor smiled, putting an arm around his brother and leading him into the room. Loki grinned in glee. "And you don't have to be the bad guy this time. You can be king."

Loki's whole face lit up, before he wrapped his arms around Thor in affection. Thor smiled in response.

"You'd make a great king."

* * *

_"Brother, however I have wronged you, whatever I have done that has led you to do this, I am truly sorry. But these people are innocent, taking their lives will gain you nothing. So take mine, and end this." - Thor_

* * *

"This is war, you fool!" the now teenage Loki thrust his spear in Thor's direction, shattering the glass window behind him, but not even skimming Thor. The boy laughed as he snuck around his brother, placing his hands over 'his' eyes. 'Loki' growled. The clone Thor was sneaking on dissipated, leaving Thor utterly speechless.

"Boo," the real Loki whispered from behind Thor. The God of Thunder spun around, surprised to see Loki's triumphant expression. The God of Thunder clutched his chest in shock, before falling on his butt. Loki laughed, placing his spear on the ground and sitting beside him. Thor had never experienced the new magic Loki had been learning, too busy with his other friends, so as Loki presented it to him, Thor was always impressed, almost jealous.

"Father will be outraged at the window," Thor said, grinning.

"I'm willing to take that risk," Loki said, "Next time... never steal my wine," he reached over Thor's shoulder to receive the fallen glass, holding it out and propping his booted feet on Thor's lap. "Fill, good sir." Thor laughed, taking the glass from Loki's hand. He had such strange nails: long and pointy and black. He promptly spit in the cup before handing it back to him. Loki made a face of disgust before tossing it to the side, ending in a shatter.

Both boys lay on their backs, rolling around on the dining room's grand floor, howling in stitches.

The All Father entered on the unsuspecting boys, his face turning red with rage. "You dare ruin the dining hall of the most prestigious palace in all of Asgard?" he shouted.

Both boys looked up in surprise, Loki's helmet fading on instinct- a sign of surrender. "Father-"

"I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR YOUR VOICE, LOKI!" he boomed, silencing both boys. "Thor, to your chambers. Loki," he narrowed his eyes, "clean this." It was the most simple of requests, but the threatening tone frightened the God of Mischief more than anything. Both boys did as told.

Odin never asked Thor to help the raven-haired brother. This was when Loki realized who would be crowned king.

* * *

_"I could have done it, Father! I could have done it! For you! For all of us!" - Loki_

* * *

The aroma was foul, the scent suffocating Loki, the smell of blood and sweat from their previous, and so far, most vicious battle. The six warriors, Sif, Fandral, Hogun, Volstagg, Loki and Thor stand around the demolished corpse from another realm. They had just taken down a three-headed mutant. Loki felt utterly disgusted by the amount of blood on his hands. On a normal occasion, he would have used magic to defend himself, but as his spear was knocked out of his grip, he decided to tear the mutant's chest open with his bare hands, his dark nails digging deep into it's flesh.

His fingertips were now painted red. He had his first kill, done brutally, vicious, disgusting.

He felt so damn good.

* * *

_"What, because I... I... I am the monster parents tell their children about at night?" - Loki_

* * *

Of course, Thor would return from another adventure without Loki. He took his brother on simple ones, not day long ones. Loki had no desire to see his brother after the abandonment. He always reacted like this. He was not the boy he used to be. He learned more and more each day. He learned how to kill easily, deceive others easier, hate easier. He loved Thor, more than anyone in his life, and he was certain Thor felt the same way, but he in no way wanted to part in the possessive praise. It only lead to Thor ending up drunk, Loki having to be the one to drag him back to bed, tuck him in, receiving no thank you the following day.

But each time, Odin would force Loki back to the front of the palace to greet, congratulate and bless his brother.

Why? Why did he not receive the same recognition as his brother did? Why was the throne so prepared for him? Why couldn't the young boy his father also had never favored over Thor? Always Thor over him?

"A toast! To Thor!" the gathering at the table clapped and cheered, Loki never looking up, just slowly sipped his wine, while the hero drank his at an unbelievable pace. Loki stared at the food presented to the soon-to-be king of Asgard. How could he eat so much? _What a pig._ Loki scoffed.

As time passed, the day grew dark, and it was far past midnight by the time the celebration ended. Of course, Loki was ordered to carry Thor to bed. By no means, was Thor overweight (despite the amount he ate), but the extensive amount of muscle he possessed made Loki's arms ache as he carried him to his chambers, out cold. In fact, he had to make a clone to help him be dragged to his silk sheets. As the clone disappeared, Loki lay Thor down on his bed, covering his brother with a soft sheet.

A moan escaped Thor's lips and his blue eyes opened for a second.

"You have to awaken _after_ I carry you up the stairwell?" Loki asked, grinning. Thor laughed as well, but it wasn't sincere, it was the alcohol. So was the kiss.

It was a chaste peck on the lips, a kiss Thor forgot the next day, but Loki counted it as his thank you.

He did not need to remind him about it, as it would make the situation uncomfortable for both boys. But Loki never forgot it.

* * *

_"Can you? Can you wipe out that much red? Drakov's daughter, Tugenov, the hospital fire? Yes, Barton told me everything. Your ledger is dripping, it's gushing red, and you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything? This is the basest sentimentality. This is a child at prayer... PATHETIC! You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code, something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you, and they will never go away! No, I won't touch Barton, not until I make him kill you! Slowly, intimately, in every way he knows you fear! And when he wakes, he'll have just enough time to see the work he's done, and when he screams, I'll break his skull! This is my bargain, you mewling quim!" - Loki  
_

_"You're a monster!" - Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow_

_"No... you brought the monster." - Loki_

* * *

"Tell me!" Loki screamed, as the bifrost from his face faded. Each word that Odin spit out dreadfully honest made the God tremble with anger, fear, betrayal. Tears ran down his face as he blabbered a speech to his father, ignoring the fact he was collapsing from a heart-attack, too enraged to do anything else. The shouted words at his father were the bottled up feelings he had. It made sense now, the lacking love the All Father never provided him with. His green eyes welled up more than they ever had when his monologue had finished, and he found himself kneeling beside his dying father.

Calling for the guards, Loki stood up and stomped out the room, entering his own bedroom. He fell into the bed, face first. He was the monster, the creature that brought fear into Asgard, the enemy. And to think he was even _told_, much less considered, he could rule this planet. No matter how much his parents reassured him, no one wanted a... a _creature_ like himself sitting on the throne.

No. He deserved the throne more than that blubbering fool of a brother._ I hate him! I despise him!_ He could tell himself this, but even as Thor had been banished from Asgard, he could not remove the feelings. His long fingers lifted to his lips. The kiss was wrong, it was taboo. Never meant to be. Still, he felt sparks. They _were_ meant to be there... to him.

He was his first, and only kiss. No one would love the God of Lies. No one would love a Frost Giant, such as himself. No one but Thor. And as the days passed, on and on, he only felt more attached to the missing God. He longed for his lost brother, but he was living up to his name, despite all the feeling and emotion that lay beneath the now growing layers upon layers of evil and mischief. Eventually, as... that _woman_ came into the picture, the emotion was so hidden, he felt numb from the plan. He could care no less of what happened to Thor,

as long as he defeated him.

As long as he kneeled.

* * *

_"An ant has no quarrel with a boot." - Loki_

* * *

When Loki loosened his grip on his last chance of survival, when he dropped into the endless worm hole, he had no regrets. The words his father spoke, the whole situation, no matter how hard he tried, was unbearable for him any longer.

He could never please his father, as much as he had put out there, as much as he tried to impress him, it was never enough.

He did not know what would happen, death, a new realm? No matter what it may be, he kept the image of his brother's face in his head. The scream of "NO!" from his best friend's voice was reassuring as he plunged into the nothingness. Someone loved him.

His father never wanted a frost giant like himself to be seated on the throne of Asgard. He was a devil, the enemy, a monster.

He was the God of Mischief, and he had put his name to good use.

* * *

_"Sentiment." - Loki_

* * *

**Yay, One-shot. Two-shot if I get enough reviews? **

**Thanks for reading! Quotes from Thor and The Avengers. **

**I own nothing. c:**

**Edit: fixed some errors, and I will add the next chapter soon!**


	2. Abhorrence

_"Where is the Tesseract?" - Thor_

_"I missed you too." - Loki, laughing._

* * *

The Tesseract. Infinite power, the lure of the glowing cube raised Loki's heart beat to an unbelievable pace. How long had it been, living with the Chitauri, with The Other? The alarming creations had no denouement on Loki, and did not wish to harm him, but to seek a favor. They took the younger brother of Thor in reliance, and Loki acted as if he saw no wrong in the race.

The Chitauri were not the villains, Thor was. Odin was. All of Asgard was!

He could try to convince himself this, but he knew who the true poison was. Himself. He had become a creature of bane.

Loki slammed his fists into the dark, cool surface of the wall in his designated room. The unknown world that surrounded him would sometimes make Loki long for humanity, for someone of his own flesh, an Asgardian. But he was not one of those. The race of Frost Giant was demolished, he had killed his real father. He was Laufey's son, not Odin's. He had loved the All Father, almost as much as he loves Thor.

When Odin rejected him, Loki dropped, hoping to end his pointless life. He searched to perish, to drown. It would be better than the current situation. The Chitauri were hideous, evil creatures. They seeked power, more than they already possessed. The planet was peaceful, and they wanted war. So why had they called upon such a stranger like Loki to use? Had they seen the commotion in Asgard? Their planet was not of any realm known, and even Loki himself was confused on how he ended up there. How would they find him?

Did Thor mourn? Did he think he was deceased? Did he look for Jane, that thieving wrench? She had stolen Thor from him, changed him, changed Loki. She had laughed at Asgard's customs! Made a fool of Thor! Of Loki! The two were so close, anything said about one could mean the other.

Not anymore.

Sometimes, Loki would think back to the days of their childhood, remembering Thor's once existent arrogance. He remembered how he would always stand by Thor's side, protect him, fed him all the words he wanted to hear. He would constantly stroke Thor's ego, and Thor would reward him by embracing Loki over all others. Loki had always been jealous of Thor, but their friendship was one he did not want to put in jeopardy by a disagreement. Sometimes, the protectiveness of Thor's ideas would be enforced by Loki, often he would add more mischief to the plans he would make, leading Thor down a rash, destructive path. Loki's notions were consistently disagreed with by the All Father. All Loki's ideas denied Odin's instructions. And Thor would always take Loki's once quiet speeches into consideration, then eventually, into action. Sometimes they would end up well, sometimes not.

But it always had to change. Loki would not, could not stand by Thor's side forever, being second-in-command. He wanted to rule, he had gone as far as never wanting his brother to return, he would destroy everything to ensure it. He did not know what he felt now. He did not hate Thor, he loved him. But the love was in so much hazard with his past actions, Loki was almost certain Thor did not feel the same if he ever saw him again. He may mourn, he may have asked Loki to stop before he plummeted to his death, but if their eyes did meet once more, would all the rage Thor have possibly kept bottled up return? Laufeyson pulled his raven hair in frustration.

To no one in particular, Loki spoke: "We'll just have to find out now won't we?"

* * *

_"Do you have a heart?" - Loki, to Clint Barton, Hawkeye_

* * *

"The Chitauri grows restless."

Loki stared at The Other, threatening him with his long claws and hideous form, "Let them go at themselves. I will lead them into glorious battle."

"Battle? Against the meager might of Earth?" The Other questioned in his distorted voice. Loki always hated the color of thick yellow, it reminded him of mucus. He was utterly disgusted by the dripping skin, said color.

"Glorious, not lengthy." He made the mistake of adding, almost with a smirk, "If your force is formidable as you claim." He circled the area, his hands clasped together behind his back, his head held high, like...

Like a king.

"You question us? You question him? He who put the scepter in your hand? Who gave you ancient knowledge and new purpose when you were cast out? Defeated!" The Other yelled.

"I was a king!" Loki shouted with fury in his voice. "The rightful king of Asgard. Betrayed." he stared at the ground.

"Your ambition is little. Born of childish need. We look beyond the Earth to greater worlds the Tesseract will unveil," The Other retorted. Loki exhaled loudly. Childish need? They were making him sound like _Thor_! He huffed silently, his ambition was not of childish need, he but wanted to take control of Earth for another purpose than the Chutauri's. He longed to rule, The Other craved power.

"You don't have the Tesseract yet." Loki lifted both hands, "I don't threaten, but until I open the doors, until your force is mine to command,

"you are but words."

The Other grabbed Loki's neck in his fleshy, inhuman hands. "You will have your war, Asgardian. If you fail, if the Tesseract is kept from us, there will be no realm, no barren moon, no crevice where he can't find you. You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain."

* * *

_"To prove to Father that I am a worthy son! When he wakes, I will have saved his life, I will have destroyed that race of monsters, and I will be a true heir to Asgard!" - Loki_

_"You can't kill an entire race!" - Thor_

_"Why not?... And what is this new found love for the Frost Giants? You, who would have killed them all with your bare hands?" - Loki_

_"I have changed." - Thor_

_"So have I." - Loki_

* * *

Clint Barton, a skilled huntsman, with information, power, a _heart_. As Loki pressed his septor's tip to the middle of his chest, he had created a bond, an alliance with the man; the man with the aim, the man with eyes that pierce through everything. He was now focused, under his control. He would help him on his journey.

Soon, his brother would see the damage Loki was creating and beg him to stop. He would arrive soon enough. With the combined power of Hawkeye, Loki and the Tesseract, Thor would fall to his knees, give him the throne, give him what was rightfully his! He would force Thor at his feet, make him grovel, people would point and laugh at the all mighty God of Thunder, and give roses and kisses and blessings to the king of Asgard.

But how could he do this to the only thing he loved?

* * *

"_I remember a shadow. Living in the shade of your greatness. I remember you tossing me into an abyss. I who was and should be king!" - Loki_

* * *

When Loki was grabbed by Thor, seeing him for the first time in almost a year, the first feeling was shock. He expected him, with the lighting and all, but it was jarring to see his brother, his love. Instantly, he looked at his lips.

He wished to remind him. It was inappropriate, but for a second, Loki's heart transformed into the one a year and little while ago. He was the loving child, the partner of his brother, the friend.

As Loki's back collided painfully with the rough and cool exterior of the cliff, this feeling left his body, leaving him a hollow shell of his former self.

* * *

_"Don't tell me it was that woman... Oh... it was?" - Loki, about Jane_

* * *

There was not much to do in the prison. So he would think sometimes. Think of the past. He remembered a time when Loki and Thor were children.

The pair had been picking fruit in the garden, bushes and trees filled with all types of food- blackberries, apples, oranges, lemons, dates, and Loki's favorite, grapes. Loki gathered the fruit into a finely weaved basket, while the bright sun and trees created shadows on the ground, delicate patterns decorating the soil. Thor would sit there, drawing in the dirt, tracing the shape of a gap in the trees, a spot where sunlight would pour through. He would make it an animal, a flower, and person, anything. Every time, Thor would walk back to the garden after a couple of hours, outraged to see the shadow had shifted, leaving his drawing in a mismatched spot. Loki would laugh at his confusion, calm him down by changing the subject to maidens or dragons or the beautiful stories he would create while in bed at night, trying to fall asleep, then offer him an apple or a few berries. Thor always seize the moment, grinning at his brother as even the young Loki weaved his words like a spider did their web.

Loki swallowed and wiped a single tear from his cheek. The God of Lies should not cry.

He looked straight at the camera and spoke:

"None of you saw that."

* * *

_"It's good to have you back. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to destroy Jotunheim!" - Loki_

* * *

Loki remembered the first time he had slapped Thor. With the butt of his staff, begging him to fight with him. When Thor refused, he had repeated the action, speaking cruel words of that woman he loved.

It broke his heart to have Thor react then.

Now, he had another chance. Thor, the soft being he had turned into, like a human, begged Loki to come home. Loki, being the stubborn man he was, reacted with another battle. Why had he even thought he had the slightest chance at succeeding? When he had drifted back to consciousness, he was surrounded by the feeble team of The Avengers, the one he had trusted most in this time, pointing an arrow right at him.

"If it's all the same to you..." he looked directly at the man clad in metal, "I'd like that drink now."

* * *

_"You humans are so petty... and tiny." - Thor_

* * *

Loki dug his wrists deep into the constricting bangles that held his arms firmly in place. Rubbed his face against the metal gag. It was self-deprecating, being paraded around like a slave, like trash, by his own brother. As the citizens of New York saw the man that turned their city into rubble, foul words were yelled, rocks were thrown.

The gag made Loki bow his head like servant. Not a king. Captain America, Steve Rogers, held up his hand, a signal for the crowds to hold their stones, hold their tongues.

"Stop it, Loki. You are cutting you skin-" Thor began.

"Ah, let him!" Tony Stark, the Iron Man interrupted. "He doesn't need your sympathy." The God of Thunder and Iron Man had always disagreed, as they both were arrogant and self-involved. But Thor, this time, did not argue. It only made Loki cut his wrists deeper into the binds.

Loki was an animal trapped in a cage, Thor was the presenter. Blood ran down his forearms as he had made a successful gash. Thor looked once into Loki's eyes.

Why was he smiling so much?

* * *

_"I thought you dead," - Thor_

_"Did you mourn?" - Loki_

_"We all did." - Thor_

* * *

**I wrote this at 2:45 in the morning, watching reruns of Dora the Explorer. **

**Trust me, I am just as confused as you are.**

**Thank you for reading! Please review! **

**WHO ELSE IS EXCITED FOR THOR 2? **


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